As always, when it comes to the corporate world –and slasher movies– things are not always how they seem. That’s why if you are job hunting, it’s critical to have the knowledge to decipher exactly what is really being asked of you, before you say “yes!” and start a relationship with a new company, here are some actual requirements from recent job posts I found, and what they actually mean:
– Ability to adapt to changing responsibilities and multiple assignments = we really haven’t thought this role through. We’re wording it like this so when we later decide to add a ton of new responsibilities with crazy hours, you can’t complain.
– Motivated self-starter who thrives on working in complex and challenging environments of a rapidly evolving business = you’re going to need to figure sh*t out on your own.
– Comfortable with ambiguity: don’t ever dare to ask for clarity.
– Willingness to travel, work overtime, and work weekends with short notice (if applicable) = you will be our slave. And it will always be applicable.
* Must be “on call” 24 hours a day / 7 days a week (if applicable) = your personal life is worthless to us.
* Excellent customer service and interpersonal skills: sucking up skills are critical to success here.
* Experience working cross-functionally and with a wide range of employees with different skill sets = you need to get along with bat sh*t crazy people.
*Ability to balance and efficiently resolve contradictory demands = you will be used as a pawn in corporate power struggles between managers.
* A “can-do” attitude, nothing is too large or too small in the relentless pursuit of better ways = You will be stretched beyond what is humanly possible, without complaint.
We hope this knowledge helps you navigate your next exciting job search. If you happen to stumble upon some requirements that you don’t fully understand, feel free to share in the comments below, so we can help you with their true meaning.
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